Everything Changes

This is the second time I have completely uprooted my life. I am no longer the Chef's Lover, I left the chef. Life is such an amazing thing, when one major change catalyzes a series of events that completely sweep you off your feet, that's the beauty of being a strong person-you don't need anyone to sweep you off your feet, when you do it for yourself its so much more fun. Let's be clear about what I mean when I say I left- I literally hopped in a cab, grabbed a bag of shit and never looked back. Looking back I can say that I have never felt more alive or prouder of myself. I made the decision that everything comfortable and secure was not good enough for me and that I was ready to move on and do it for myself. I honestly never thought I would have the strength, but there is this amazing woman inside of me who literally kicked my ass out the door. Part of me is sad that I was aware of my unhappiness for a long time before I did something about it, but I learned so much in the process that I have no regrets. It was incredibly tough to leave something that I thought would be a part of the rest of my life; we had invested in our future, everything we bought for the house was a long term investment that we planned to bring to our house after we got married. There was a period in our relationship where I wanted to get married, but by the end a friend asked me if I would marry him and I was surprised by the ease with which "absolutely not" left my lips. The funny thing is that when I was so sure that I could not picture my life with him, he was shopping for an engagement ring- guess that speaks volumes about how off we were. Sometimes in life you are forced to either choose yourself or another person and I am so glad that I stayed true to myself. Moving forward has been amazing in both bad and good ways, at first, naturally it was almost crippling how difficult it was to move forward, literally everything I had planned for my future had changed dramatically- after that stage though EVERYTHING started to go right. My life started to take off and I went with it. I moved in with my very best friend, and she helped so much. It would have been impossible to stay strong without my amazing friends and they picked my ass up and held me high. I thought that I would be devoid of love but I felt more love then I had for such a long time. I found a great apartment to move forward in and moved myself in, I turned 24 and immediately got a MAJOR job upgrade and got offered my dream job and I realized how much of a superfox that I am. Everything changed, but I have the integrity to know that every decision I make is mine and that they have so far been pretty damn good! Life is open to me again and one by one, I am breaking down all the doors I had accepted would be closed to me. I feel happy and strong, free and fearless.